my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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