just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
