I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
