i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Floor bacon is actually really good
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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