maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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