You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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