Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
