either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
