We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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