Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
