She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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