Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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