Already got asked if we're dating
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
