last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
