so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
