He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
