Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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