She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
