another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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