You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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