shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
