Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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