you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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