it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
