By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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