You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
