honey bunches of taint.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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