Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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