I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
