Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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