just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
