I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
this is an emotional support booty call
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
