Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
