i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
