thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just saw a hot homeless man
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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