dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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