Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
