This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
