You made me cry and you don't even care
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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