Who wears a wallet chain?!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I need moral support for this bender
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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