Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
