Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
