Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
