I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
