how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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