Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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