I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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