after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
