just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
