He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
