Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
