Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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