Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I came so hard my ears popped.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
